I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
