Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
