Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
