Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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