rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
where are you?
Hypothermia
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
