tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
