its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
