I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
