I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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