OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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