i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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