Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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