No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
