Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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