Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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