She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
