when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
