i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
