Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
