Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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