can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
