im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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