haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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