Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
