shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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