Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize