Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
