he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
