ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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