Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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