It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
