God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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