I could make wine with my vomit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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