i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
As shirtless as possible
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
