I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
