are you so shy because you have an std?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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