just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
