I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dicks are not precious.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
