I'd wear matching sweaters with you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
