okay pat passed out under dana's car
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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