Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
