Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
