I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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