I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize