the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
