As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
