Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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