dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
