dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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