In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
