I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
