can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
