I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
