She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
