P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize