dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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