Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize