do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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