Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
