You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
