it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
