I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
