the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
