Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
