I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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