I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize