If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
