So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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