cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
