it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
