WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
