Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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