i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
