my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
