is your mom at the bar?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
