There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
