My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
